i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
