i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Randomize
