i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
