just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
