Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
