I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
