you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
