yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
