think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
