Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
