I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
