All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
