hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A bitchslap is in order.
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