i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
