I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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