margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
