oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
from now on my penis is your penis
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
