god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
