Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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