So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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