How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
