how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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