I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
