Dual....:-)
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
