his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
