So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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