GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
