Will you blow on my dice?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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