That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
