i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
