I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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