I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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