WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
