so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
