I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
