Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
