I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
