my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
