I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
