i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize