so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
