lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
