Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
