I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
