Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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