So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
