Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
