I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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