; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
