haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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