Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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