saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
