Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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