We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
